With defense mechanisms keeping your emotions in check, you may go through a period of outward adjustment and, indeed, be determined to go on with your life as if nothing bad had happened. Sometimes this apparent return to normalcy takes the form of getting into a new relationship. Unfortunately, relationships that begin when you are “on the rebound” are rife with problems—including sexual ones. Because you are still numbing your feelings while unconsciously preoccupied with your loss, and because your conditions for satisfying sex are rarely met right away by a new partner, sexual failures are commonplace. And because your emotional state affects your judgment, you are more likely to make poor choices, ending up with an emotionally, as well as sexually, incompatible partner.
If you have chosen a partner quickly in order to replace your loss, what you feel for your new partner may be confusing. You may be attempting to have sex with someone whom you don’t care about very much. Emotional attachment and satisfying sex are frequently linked and so you may find sex with your new partner distant and unsatisfying. As a result, your desire drops. Or you may care a great deal about your new partner, but you may be protecting yourself from new losses by maintaining a certain amount of distance, and suppressing desire, as Denise did, in order to do that.
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