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Not only can ads and models be demoralizing, but so can a lot of the clothing being sold today. If you look around a “juniors” department, where teenagers and young women traditionally have shopped, you’ll notice that much of what’s available is extremely flimsy and skimpy— even more so than during the miniskirt era—so that any young woman with even the slightest bit of extra padding is going to feel self-conscious in a lot of the garments. Reports one parent of a teenager: “The skirts available are either very long, as in evening wear, or very short, as in women-of-the-night wear, with no easy-to-move-around-in middle ground. If a girl wants a comfortable dress to wear to school, forget it.” The next size category up, “misses” clothing, also offers women a lot of body-baring items, such as cropped or tank tops and garments made out of stretchy or thin material. Some fashion writers feel that this trend is a result of clothing manufacturers trying to cut costs; it’s cheaper to use thin material and less of it. In addition, by relying on stretchy synthetic material rather than something like linen, the manufacturer can get away with offering only a few sizes of an item—small, medium, and large—rather than a more extensive collection of numbered sizes. Whatever the reason, the fashion trends today are not kind to women looking for clothes that are forgiving to a less-than-perfect body. Says one person connected with the fashion industry: “You currently have a lot of women going around feeling bad because they look bad in clothes. It never occurs to them that the problem is the shoddy clothes!”

Even children’s departments are selling a lot of skimpy, “sexy”-type clothing for little girls. Parents report having to resort to catalog shopping, particularly from European catalogs, for functional and appropriate clothing for girls and teenagers.

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With defense mechanisms keeping your emotions in check, you may go through a period of outward adjustment and, indeed, be determined to go on with your life as if nothing bad had happened. Sometimes this apparent return to normalcy takes the form of getting into a new relationship. Unfortunately, relationships that begin when you are “on the rebound” are rife with problems—including sexual ones. Because you are still numbing your feelings while unconsciously preoccupied with your loss, and because your conditions for satisfying sex are rarely met right away by a new partner, sexual failures are commonplace. And because your emotional state affects your judgment, you are more likely to make poor choices, ending up with an emotionally, as well as sexually, incompatible partner.

If you have chosen a partner quickly in order to replace your loss, what you feel for your new partner may be confusing. You may be attempting to have sex with someone whom you don’t care about very much. Emotional attachment and satisfying sex are frequently linked and so you may find sex with your new partner distant and unsatisfying. As a result, your desire drops. Or you may care a great deal about your new partner, but you may be protecting yourself from new losses by maintaining a certain amount of distance, and suppressing desire, as Denise did, in order to do that.

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With hectic lifestyles, long working hours and social functions, eating out can become a treadmill of rich foods, indigestion and sleepless nights from over-consumption. In general, eating out can be a health hazard that becomes impossible to avoid.

Many men ask me how to choose from a menu when eating out to ensure good nutrition (and maintain vitality) without sacrificing taste. Following the simple principles below can help you to survive the restaurant scene and still enjoy the social benefits.

If you are not eating until late, try to eat a snack before you go out, preferably a protein snack such as some tuna on a slice of bread, soup, or even a milkshake with added protein in the form of whey powder. This will prevent you eating lots of bread when you arrive or eating fat-filled canapes. It will also help you to avoid drinking too much wine or beer before eating, which will heighten your cravings for food before the evening has even begun. This process is particularly important to follow before a cocktail party after work, for example.

Pace your drinking by ordering gin and tonic or campari and soda or vodka and tonic before you go onto wine. There is less sugar in these drinks and your weight will be controlled more without the refined sugars of wine and beer.

Always drink water with your wine and ask for some lemon to squeeze into the water. This helps digestion.

Choose an entree that has some form of protein, as you do not know how long the main dish may take to serve. There will be a temptation to eat lots of bread and drink more wine in between courses if you are very hungry. Minestrone soup, or a fish, chicken or duck entree are ideal and will take longer to digest while you are waiting for your main course. Try and choose an entree that is not filled with fat or fried.

A raw salad with a protein is always useful at the beginning of a meal to get the digestive juices working well. This follows the same principle as a bitter drink: traditionally, a bitter drink such as campari and soda is taken before a meal to stimulate the digestive organs to better assimilate the meal to follow.

If you are watching your weight do not eat bread. If you must, eat a bowl of steamed vegetables with your entree instead of bread. Keep the olive oil dips and butter away from the table. They are too tempting, especially if there is a delicious crusty loaf sitting there as well!

When choosing a main dish, lean towards a protein: fish, chicken, red meat (only twice a week) or legumes with added vegetables. Choose one carbohydrate like potatoes or rice and make sure you have both cooked and raw vegetables to both maintain health and satisfy hunger. I notice that if men just order a protein and salad without any carbohydrate or vegetables, they often then fill up on dessert as they are still hungry. The body is then overloaded with refined sugar that will not only cause weight gain but often disrupts sleeping.

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